Dress Me Up
by SuicidalImbecile
Summary: Zack's idea to get into a club involves Cloud wearing a hideous dress. What does Zack think of their night together?


"I don't know what you're talking about, Cloud," said a dark haired teen. He viewed his friend's outfit and nodded in approval. "This'll do!"

"Zack, I am not going into some club wearing this... this... _rug_!" Cloud cried. He turned to face the mirror again and cringed toward his reflection.  
Zack shook his head. "Hm, too bad. You're going." He took the boy's hand and pulled him out the door.

As they walked through the apartment building's halls of first class SOLDIER, Cloud whined, "Why do I have to wear this? You could easily fit into it."

"Cloud, they will not believe a 'woman' who is six foot one," Zack argued.

"There are girls that tall," he muttered. "I didn't even shave, Zack! I'm wearing a damned dress and I'm as hairy as a Nibel wolf. At least make this believable."

"You have blond hair, you can barely see it!" Zack reasoned.

Cloud stopped walking as they approached the door. He began to pick a wedgie that his laced underwear gave him. Zack slapped his hand away.

"_You're_ the one telling _me_ to make it believable..." Zack mumbled. He pulled the door and held it open for Cloud. The blond stepped through, his heels click-clacking on the pavement.

The couple walked side by side down the sidewalk, receiving many strange looks from the citizens of Midgar. Cloud blushed furiously and Zack continued down the street proudly, holding his "date"'s hand. "Let me tell you the plan one more time, Cloud," Zack said as the club came into sight.

"I know, I know. You've told me like a million times. We're going to wait outside and when we get to the door, I'm gonna drop my purse," Cloud held up his purse and shook it in front of Zack's face, "and then I'll bend over in front of the bouncer and 'show off my sweet curves'," said Cloud in an exasperated voice.

Zack slapped the boy on the back. "You got it! And once we get inside, you can change out of that hideous dress."

"Hey!" Cloud yelled defensively. "You said it looked good."

"I told you 'it would do'. Buddy, you can pull it off, don't worry. It's just not a very nice color."

Cloud laughed. "Zack, I don't think anyone can pull off a snot-green shaggy dress..."

Zack chuckled at the boy's description of the dress he bought for him. It was seventeen Gil at the shop in downtown Midgar and Zack figured he could find a hot chick to wear it and get him into the club. "This is quite a self esteem dampener, Cloud."

"Pfft. You're telling me," he muttered.

"No, really. I mean they only let attractive people in. I've been shot down three times already. Am I an ugly person, Spiky?" Zack flashed a toothy smile and cocked an eyebrow. Cloud looked at his friend and shook his head. "Exactly. I don't get it." They reached the club and took a spot at the end of the line. "But it's okay now. 'Cause I've got you, Spike."

"I don't think I'm the best choice, Zack," said Cloud softly.

Zack's excited smile faded. "Huh? Why d'you say that?"

The blond shifted his weight. "Well, I'm not attractive… Even as a guy."

"Are you kidding, Spike? You're _hot_!" Zack put his arm around Cloud's waist. "Not like me though." He added jokingly. Cloud rolled his eyes as a smirk formed on his face.

"Fine. But I still don't know why you didn't choose Aerith or Cissnei. I've seen you around them. They would be a much better way to get into the club."

Zack could see the door in sight. They were going to be approaching the bouncer soon. "Hm, they would look better in a dress, I'll give you that. But Cloud, you're so much more fun than them! They'd want to leave the second we got in!"

Cloud's eye twitched. "Zack… I will too."

The SOLDIER pretended not to hear. They were next at the door and Zack nudged his friend in the ribs.

As the group in front of them went inside the noisy club, Zack and Cloud stepped up to a very big man. He wore a leather jacket and jeans that did not go together well with his fancy headset. He was bigger than Zack with a large gut but toned arm muscle. Zack was easily a head shorter than this man but his confidence didn't shrink at all.

"Can I see some ID?" the bouncer asked.

Zack dug through his pockets for his wallet. "Sure, sure!" He pulled out the leather wallet and showed the man his ShinRa employment card.

"Zack Fair…" the bouncer muttered. "Haven't you tried to get in here before?"

"No, sir! No... I, uh… I actually just moved here," Zack lied.

The bouncer looked skeptical. "Then why does your employment card say you've been here with ShinRa for five years?" _Shit_.

"Well you see, um, sir, I just recently transferred from… a ShinRa branch in Gongaga!" Zack lied again. "So they mean, um…"

The bouncer gave his ID back. "Sure, kid." He turned to Cloud. "How about you… Miss?"

"Sure, one sec," Cloud said without making an attempt to sound like a girl. Zack kicked him discreetly while letting out a nervous laugh. Unfortunately, in his heels, Cloud couldn't keep his balance after the kick and fell to the pavement gracelessly.

"Oh Gaia!" Zack shouted. He bent down to help Cloud up and realized the strapless dress fell to Cloud's belly button. The bouncer saw this and his eyes went wide for a moment.

"What the hell is this?" The bouncer exclaimed.

Thinking this would be an appropriate time to act like a woman, Cloud cried in a high tone, "Gaia, help me! My tampons!" Zack shimmied the dress up above Cloud's chest and helped Cloud to his feet. "Let me just find my ID now," Cloud said.

They could all hear unsatisfied partiers behind them complaining about the hold-up. "I don't think that will be necessary. Get out of here!" The bouncer shouted.

"Just wait a second," Zack yelled. "I'm sure we can work something out…"

"We need security out here, stat," said the bouncer into his headset.

"… But perhaps another time? Okay, see you later!" Zack said quickly as he pulled Cloud away from the club and started running down the street.

They slowed down as they reached the next block. Cloud sat down on the sidewalk and took off the heels. "Ugh! How can anyone _walk_ in these?"

Zack started laughing. "How can you _run _in those?" Cloud glared at him.

Taking a pair of jeans and a button down shirt from his obscenely large purse, Cloud asked Zack to turn around as he changed out of his dress on the street. Luckily, it was a deserted road at night. Most of the shops closed at eight and after that, it was hardly active.

He zipped his jeans up and slipped on a pair on sandals, then approached Zack and leaned on his shoulder. Zack chuckled. "Doesn't work so well when you're shorter than me, eh Spike?"

Cloud chuckled as well. "No, not really."

They stood in their spots silently for a few moments. "Well I'm starving. How about we get some food?"

"Zack, it's eleven o'clock. There's nothing open." He looked down the street seeing nothing but black beyond the orange streetlights.

Zack started walking. "I know a place."

They walked several blocks together, each in their own head, content with just each other's presence. Zack pointed up the street to a 24-hour diner. They entered the diner and were greeted by a woman in her mid-forties. Zack led Cloud to a booth in the corner and sat down. Cloud took his place across from Zack and waited until the waitress put their place settings down and handed them each a small menu. "Would you like a list of the specials?" she asked.

Zack and Cloud exchanged a glance and Zack said politely, "No, thank you."

"Okay, just motion me over when you're ready!" she said sweetly.

Cloud waited until the waitress left to say, "Zack, I'm so sorry I ruined that club thing for you."

Zack shook his head. "Are you kidding?" He grinned. "Cloud, that was hilarious!"

The blond was surprised. "Seriously?" Zack nodded. "The bouncer's expressions were pretty funny…"

Zack was holding his stomach from laughing too hard. "When you acted like a girl on the ground, it was the most hilarious thing I've seen!" Cloud started giggling uncontrollably.

After they had calmed down a bit, Cloud asked, "So you aren't mad?"

Zack shook his head. "Not at all," he said reassuringly. Cloud smiled. "So, what d'you say to a _Midgar Munchie Appetizer_?" Zack asked, looking down at his menu. "It's '_Complete with a side of ShinRa soy sauce_.'"

Cloud giggled. "Sounds good!"

After they put in their order, Cloud noticed Zack staring at him. "What?" he asked.

"I was thinking," Zack said. "You're the prettiest person I've ever seen in a dress, Cloud Strife."

Cloud leaned in and whispered lowly, "I'm still wearing the panties." Zack raised an eyebrow and smiled.

* * *

January 10, 2010. I'm sitting at my computer desk. I have a terribly difficult history test tomorrow that I should be studying for. Instead, I'm writing this fan fiction while enjoying a hot bowl of butternut squash soup. It's been ages since I've published. I'm hoping this will be the start of some publishing rampage. Maybe these four other FFVII fics I've started can finally be finished.

Thanks for reading! Reviews would be stellar. :3


End file.
